you know..... this was not ment to be written, but after reading someone's journal in hi5 it forced me.... its not that i'm feeling all lonely and emo, but it made me feel a certain way that i can't explain. even though i have yet to find out what happened to him, or did he really existed or was it (HE) just an imagination, i'm so pulled into it. and i .. i can't escape! which is good for me by the way because i have all these spare time that i need to spend, if not for this; then i would be doing some shaking and zipping right now, or just smoking another ciggie.(i'm gonna smoke after this anyway) ha ahh.. so anyway, that journal is a real eye opener for me. I never thought ppl can be so lost without someone they loved so much. or without in love too..?(i'm confused.. yet to find out) Yes, love is powerful, it can bring smile on your face in one second and tears in another. I really salute that kind of closeness and love and lovers. but the point i'm trying to tell is not that. its all good about love and how it makes people feel... its all good. we all know. the point is this; she was in love and suddenly he was gone *home*. now she can never bring him back and never tell him how she really felt. I think he knew too that she loved her, but she just didn't show...insted she went to be all smart and acted like she wanted to hurt him by all those bike riding wit his frens and talking...wit his frens. Man really gets hurt when his loved one does that, even tho he knows she's just playing with his mind... ask me all about it!!! may be thats why he ran away on his b'day treat.. but he came back for you, didn't he? you remind me of myself through that guy okay/? i hope to die too.. so that she can feel my NON PRESENCE and actually want my presence with her. but why would i do that? whenever she hurts me, i just tell right infront of her face not to do that kind of things... so may be she doesn't have so many things left to play with my mind, may be she's getting bored wit me now...and may be she's leaving me step by step..so that she doesn't get hurt... only she knows. so i'm afraid and insecure... you make me feel that way. i don't mean to judge you or my mimi, but you lost it. BIG TIME. don't ever make your man feel like he's not the one for you and he cannot make you feel happy and cheerful. if its true then tell him, he won't mind, but please don''t tell those stuffs just to play with his mind.. okay? its already jumbled up! can't you see.??? all the tensions from his best frens trying to get you, all the "galli ko KTA haru" trying to fuck you and make you worthless, all those family troubles he's been going through just because he cannot do well in his exams...now he has to go abroad to study, all his troubled frens going to jail for a night, all those pocket money problems, all those problems from his mobile phones and recharge cards that he's been spending just to call you are sending you lots and lots of smss. he already have enough problems of his own and he's doing his best to keep you from harm's way...and troubles. he hates when you talk to others and guys from yur "galli". why can't you see that? you just want to play. its ok. he can play if you want to. but its not enough, he has to lose! even its okay. he can sacrifice that game of yours for you. BUT............... BUT you get all sad and worried when sometime he makes a mistake... is it fair.? i mean human makes mistake and human gets jealous, so sometimes you may feel he's hurting you by walking away from you or not talking wit you or not replying your smss etc etc... but doesn't he have the right? did you forget all those times you played with his mind? did you forget you took a lift from his fren who is also trying to hit on you and you both knew? anyway, i'm not trying to say that you are bad or anything... i'm just being truthful. you need to understand men before you try to break him, even unwantedly. it may break him in REAL. see, there is only a thin line between hurting somebody and TRYING to hurt somebody. and sometimes that line cannot be seen or felt by the one who's hurt. so.... AND I HAVE MY FULL SYMPATHY FOR YOU... FOR YOUR LOSS, AND FOR YOUR LOVE. May he can feel it up there.
-superman
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